Are you stuck comparing where you are now to where you think you should be? That mindset trap—what author Dan Sullivan calls “the gap”—keeps many designers feeling like they’re constantly behind, instead of celebrating how far they’ve come.
In this episode, Rebecca Hay shares the powerful concept of shifting from the gap to the gain and why this mindset shift is the secret to building confidence, momentum, and joy in your design business. You’ll learn how to stop holding yourself back, recognize your wins, and start using your progress to fuel future success.
Tune in and get ready to see your business through a whole new lens.
episode highlights
- The hidden mindset trap that keeps designers stuck in self-doubt
- Why comparing yourself to others blocks business growth
- How to reframe your progress so you actually feel successful
- Real-life examples of “gap thinking” vs “gain thinking”
- A simple exercise to start building confidence today
Episode Resources
Read the Full Transcript ⬇️
00;00;00;00 – 00;00;23;29
Rebecca Hay
I remember a few years ago none of this existed. I started with a handful of designers coming to meet ups in the city of Toronto, and I started to help other interior designers, other creatives in their business. Just based on sharing my experiences and now today, I have helped hundreds and hundreds of designers implement systems, build confidence, and finally feel in control of their business.
00;00;24;02 – 00;00;58;20
Rebecca Hay
That, my friends, is the game. All right. I’m Rebecca Hay, and I’ve built a successful interior design business by trial and error, podcasts, online courses, and so many freaking books. Over the last decade, I’ve grown from an insecure student to having false starts to careers. And now I’m finally in the place where I want to be. Throughout my journey, it’s been pretty obvious that I’m passionate about business and helping other entrepreneurs do the same.
00;00;58;23 – 00;01;28;29
Rebecca Hay
Each week, I’ll share tangible takeaways from my own experience and the experiences of other badass women to help you build your confidence and change your business. Hey hey hey, it’s Rebecca, and you’re listening to Resilient by Design. Today I’m doing things a little different. And yes, I got a bit of a cold, so pardon the raspy voice, but I want to talk about something that we’re doing to ourselves that’s holding us back in business and potentially in our life.
00;01;29;02 – 00;01;48;17
Rebecca Hay
This is something that I talked about inside my boot camp this spring. I have morning mindset sessions in the Facebook group. I shared this story and this message and it really resonated. So I thought if it resonated in the boot camp, it’s definitely going to help many of you here on the podcast. And I think this time of year is a great time for a bit of a reset.
00;01;48;20 – 00;02;08;16
Rebecca Hay
So before we dive in today, if you can grab a pen and paper, I think it will be handy whether or not it’s the morning for you when you’re listening to this. This is my morning mindset for you all. I’m so glad you are here. You are here today listening to this episode because something in this title resonated.
00;02;08;19 – 00;02;30;12
Rebecca Hay
You know that you are probably holding yourself back in some way, and you want to get to the root of it. You are ready for change. You want to be the reason you’re successful and you know that you can do it. You just need a little help. So grab that pen and paper. Stay present. And here we go.
00;02;30;14 – 00;02;59;17
Rebecca Hay
Here’s what could be holding you back in your business. It’s you. It’s what you’re thinking. It’s how you’re responding to the events in your life. It’s how you are reacting to all the things that are happening to you, for you, and where you’re at. I want to pause for a moment and share something that really hit me recently, and that’s what really prompted me to want to share this mindset session with all of you.
00;02;59;19 – 00;03;22;16
Rebecca Hay
Something that hit me that I think especially for those of you who feel like you’re not where you should be yet. And if you’re watching on YouTube, I’m doing air quotes because should is like a dirty word. Any personal development coach will tell you to stop shooting on yourself. You get what I’m doing. A little play on words should is replacing another bad word.
00;03;22;18 – 00;03;48;23
Rebecca Hay
You should not take that back. Don’t want to say the word shut. Don’t use that word. Because using the word should implies that you need to be doing something else, that there is a way that you must do things and that you are not following it, and that you are wrong. But I know that many of you and us, including myself, often feel like you’re not where you should be.
00;03;48;26 – 00;04;21;27
Rebecca Hay
I was reading The Gap in the game by Benjamin Hardy and Daniel Sullivan again for like the third time this year, and it reminded me just how easy it is to live in the gap. You know, that space between where you are now and where you think you should be, that future that you dream of. For me, that look like comparing my business to others who seem to be scaling faster, doing it better, launching bigger programs.
00;04;21;29 – 00;04;45;15
Rebecca Hay
I catch myself thinking, and this is super! Recently, why am I not at seven figures yet? I did that with my design firm. I should have had it figured out by now. Am I behind? But then it took a beat and it took a breath and I looked back instead of up. I looked back instead of forward for a moment.
00;04;45;18 – 00;05;13;07
Rebecca Hay
So many of us as entrepreneurs are so future driven, and that’s what makes us successful and pulls us to continue to create and be better and do more. But without looking back, we can’t go as far as we want. And I don’t mean looking back to dwell on the past. I mean stopping comparing ourselves to somebody else or a future vision that hasn’t arrived yet.
00;05;13;10 – 00;05;41;02
Rebecca Hay
I remember a few years ago none of this existed. Not Designers Room Not Resilient by Design podcast with nearly 300 episodes. Not power of process, not pricing with confidence, not the masterminds like none of what I do today existed. I started with a handful of designers coming to, well, maybe more than a couple handfuls of designers coming to meet ups in the city of Toronto, and that was it.
00;05;41;04 – 00;06;08;11
Rebecca Hay
And we would share ideas. It moved to zoom, and I started to help other interior designers, other creatives in their business just based on sharing my experiences. And now today, I have helped hundreds and hundreds of designers implement systems, build confidence, and finally feel in control of their business. That, my friends, is the game. Thinking about that. Whoa, Rebecca, look how far you’ve come.
00;06;08;12 – 00;06;32;15
Rebecca Hay
Instead of, Rebecca, look how far you still have to go. That’s the game. And that’s what progress really looks like. And when you can recognize that in yourself, in your own life, in business, you will stop beating yourself up. You’ll start building from a place of momentum, and you’ll start building from a place of joy. So wherever you’re at right now, don’t forget to measure backwards.
00;06;32;17 – 00;06;55;18
Rebecca Hay
The concept is a great concept, and I do highly recommend that you get the book. It’s called The Gap in the game. I’ve listened to it on audible, either audible on paper or whatever, but there’s a quote in that book that really, really, really, really, really stuck with me. And listen, here’s what the quote is. Happiness is wanting what you already have.
00;06;55;20 – 00;07;22;05
Rebecca Hay
Happiness is wanting what you already have, right? So let me explain what this means for you as a designer building your business. Many of you, and I’ve been there to feel stuck because you only see what you haven’t achieved yet. You’re so focused on the gap. And so guess what? We don’t feel satisfied. We don’t feel happy. That gap is that space between where you are now, where you think you should be.
00;07;22;05 – 00;07;48;17
Rebecca Hay
As I mentioned in the beginning, it’s looking at other designers Instagram feeds and thinking, oh, why don’t I have that client? I should have that client by now. That project, that magazine feature, that partnership or collaboration. The gap is dangerous because makes everything that you have accomplished feel insignificant. Who can relate? Just nod your head for yourself in agreement.
00;07;48;17 – 00;08;10;02
Rebecca Hay
I know many of you can relate to this feeling, but here’s what I want you to understand. The gain is actually where the confidence lives. I am spending my life building confidence in other women because I see how powerful we are when we feel confident. That’s why I teach power of process. That’s why I have community. That’s why I do this podcast.
00;08;10;02 – 00;08;43;22
Rebecca Hay
Because I am someone who never felt confident. I did not grow up with oozing confidence. I admired confident people. When you focus on the game, it builds your confidence. That’s where it lives. The game is celebrating my favorite progress over perfection. It’s recognizing that every step forward, no matter how small, counts. Think about it. A year ago, would you be here listening to this podcast?
00;08;43;25 – 00;09;06;01
Rebecca Hay
Would you have been thinking strategically about your business? Probably not. Or if you were, where are you today versus where you were then? Here you are today. That is game. Maybe six months ago, you were terrified to have a pricing conversation with a client, but last week you put out a quote that you felt pretty confident about it.
00;09;06;03 – 00;09;29;06
Rebecca Hay
That’s a game. Maybe you used to win every discovery call, and now you’re here listening and learning how to create a framework in your business so that you’re not winging it. That’s a game. I’ve got a few more examples. I want to share with you guys, because I think that this is really going to hit you where you’re at, and help you recognize scenarios and moments in your own life where you might be applying the gap instead of the game.
00;09;29;09 – 00;09;51;16
Rebecca Hay
Think about this. We sometimes are hard on ourselves because we’re not making as much money. Have you ever said something like, I only made $2,000 for my first design project? Other designers are making like $20,000. I’m seeing that inside Rebecca’s programs. Like, what am I doing wrong? I’m clearly not cut out for this. That’s the gap view. The gain view would be six months ago.
00;09;51;16 – 00;10;11;19
Rebecca Hay
I didn’t even have a design firm. Six months ago, I didn’t even have a project or even a clear service offering. Now I have launched my business. I’ve marketed it, and I got a real paying client. I validated my idea and I’ve learned exactly what I need to improve for next time. You need to celebrate the messy first version.
00;10;11;19 – 00;10;33;09
Rebecca Hay
I have had so many messy first versions in my design business, in my coaching business. Here’s the thing you can’t optimize what doesn’t exist. That’s a game. Here’s another view of being in the gap. This is common. A lot of us fall into this trap when it comes to Instagram. You could be feeling like, oh, I only have a thousand followers on Instagram.
00;10;33;11 – 00;10;53;20
Rebecca Hay
Look at her. She has 20,000. And she gets so many inquiries for new projects through her Instagram. I’m definitely falling behind. There’s something I’m doing wrong. Why am I not there? Who can relate? The gap view of that would be looking back. Wait a minute. You know what? Last year I only had 200 followers and I had no engagement.
00;10;53;20 – 00;11;21;29
Rebecca Hay
And I really didn’t have any design projects. Now I’m creating consistent content, building community and getting some DMs from potential clients. Sure, it hasn’t turned into a project yet, but shoot, I’m at a thousand followers now. That’s a huge gain. Also progress over perfection, people. Those are vanity metrics, but we still compare ourselves to them. And then the last example I want to share is something that might happen to you inside your projects when you are working with clients.
00;11;22;01 – 00;11;42;27
Rebecca Hay
It’s pretty typical for us to get frustrated with a client because they don’t follow our advice or they don’t want to just, you know, from experience, do. The dining chair had chairs that I selected that would fit perfectly in the room. Instead, they steer me in another direction and I have to acquiesce. And then in the end, I’m like, oh, it’s not a reflection of my design esthetic or how good I am.
00;11;42;29 – 00;12;03;19
Rebecca Hay
I must not be communicating clearly. Where did I go wrong with my sales tactics? Where am I attracting the wrong clients? I’m not leading the project well, we can go into the spiral, this shame spiral of I am not good enough. I am not worthy. I’m never going to get there. That’s being in the gap. If you wanted to flip that, you could be in the game.
00;12;03;21 – 00;12;20;12
Rebecca Hay
You could say, whoa, look at this. Compared to a year ago, I now even I have a process I didn’t have. I charged for my consultation, which I never used to do. And I’m starting to set boundaries. Okay, sure. The dining chairs didn’t make the cut, but that dining table that I pinched, they love. I can refine my communication for next time.
00;12;20;12 – 00;12;41;09
Rebecca Hay
I can figure out what tweaks I can make next time, but I’ve come a long way. That is the game. The game isn’t about being perfect. It’s about getting better, being better. As a parent, sometimes we can be hard on ourselves like, oh, I missed bedtime again. Working on this proposal. I needed to get it out. I’m not balancing business and motherhood the way I want.
00;12;41;16 – 00;13;05;15
Rebecca Hay
It’s still not good enough. That’s living in the gap. Living in the game would be. Well, I mean, I used to miss every bedtime because I was working and I’d be working on the weekends, and now I have systems and I have boundaries. And truthfully, this doesn’t happen that often anymore. Look back. Not up. Your past self would be so freaking proud.
00;13;05;17 – 00;13;23;29
Rebecca Hay
These are your gains. What is one thing I would love for you to take your pen and paper. Write down one thing you’ve accomplished in your business in the last six months that you’re proud of. We don’t do this enough, just one so it can be something so small. Lenny, a client having a difficult conversation, updating your website, finally organizing your back end paperwork.
00;13;24;02 – 00;13;46;08
Rebecca Hay
Getting a system set up. Taking power of process. Whatever it is, write it down. That’s your gain. And the key to building confidence in your business and in life is recognizing and appreciating your growth, and not obsessing over the gap. So I want you to continue to practice living in the game. When you learn something new from this podcast.
00;13;46;14 – 00;14;14;29
Rebecca Hay
Celebrate that you showed up to learn it and you’re trying new things. When you implement even one thing you’ve learned on this podcast. Celebrate taking the action because here is the truth. The designers who book better, clients who build profitable businesses, who feel confident in their worth. They’re not the ones with problems or challenges. They’re the ones who recognize how far they’ve come and use that momentum to keep moving forward.
00;14;15;02 – 00;14;38;20
Rebecca Hay
Your design business journey is happening right now. Not when it hit some arbitrary milestone. This is a living, breathing thing. You’re not going to take off when you get featured in a magazine or when you land that dream client. It’s right now. You are already so much further along than you were yesterday. Last month or last year. And that’s worth celebrating.
00;14;38;22 – 00;14;56;24
Rebecca Hay
Okay, beautiful designers, go and have an amazing day. And don’t forget. Stay in the game. And when you catch yourself in the gap, as I do daily, notice it and redirect it when you’re sitting in traffic. Oh my God, I always had a red light. Oh, I bet there’s another red light coming. I can’t believe how much time I’ve lost.
00;14;56;27 – 00;15;20;27
Rebecca Hay
How can you rephrase that? Okay, look at that. Well, I’m almost home. It’s only one more red light. It’s about focusing on how far you’ve come, because that’s going to put you in a better mindset to go that extra mile. All right. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I will see you soon.
