If you’ve ever taken on a client project that felt a little off, but you ignored your instincts because the client seemed “perfect”—this episode is for you. I’m sharing the story of the one project I should’ve walked away from… and why I didn’t.
As interior designers, we’re taught to spot great design—but spotting red flags in clients? That takes experience. In this episode, I break down how ignoring early warning signs led to one of the most stressful (and expensive) lessons of my career. From unrealistic budgets to personality misalignment and scope creep, I walk you through what to watch out for—and how to build a design business that prioritizes the right clients, your peace of mind, and long-term success.
Whether you’re just starting your interior design business or already have a few years under your belt, this episode will help you refine your client intake process and say yes to only the projects that truly align with your vision.
episode highlights
- Why I said yes to a project that checked the wrong boxes & The red flags I ignored (and what they cost me)
- Why getting paid in full doesn’t always mean it’s a good fit
- How fear of scarcity leads to the wrong clients
- What happens when your expertise isn’t respected
- My checklist of red flags to watch for during client consultations
- Green flags of an ideal client (and how to attract more of them)
- How to trust your gut and build better boundaries
- Scripts for professionally saying no to misaligned projects
- What to review in your intake process and client filters
Episode Resources
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If this episode resonates, and you’re tired of second-guessing whether a client is “worth it,” it’s time to get strategic. Join me inside the Stand Out Designer Bootcamp—where we dive deeper into how to filter for dream clients, set healthy boundaries, and design a business that works for you.
Read the Full Transcript ⬇️
00;00;00;00 – 00;00;26;00
Rebecca Hay
The joke was on me. What I thought was a sign of an ideal client. Paying promptly and in full. Right. Like I said, I’m like, this is what I’ve written on paper. This is an attribute of my ideal client. It was actually just the beginning of a very expensive lesson. All right. I’m Rebecca Hay, and I’ve built a successful interior design business by trial and error, podcasts, online courses.
00;00;26;00 – 00;00;59;19
Rebecca Hay
And so many freaking books. Over the last decade, I’ve grown from an insecure student to having false starts to careers. And now I’m finally in the place where I want to be. Throughout my journey, it’s been pretty obvious that I’m passionate about business and helping other entrepreneurs do the same. Each week, I’ll share tangible takeaways from my own experience and the experiences of other badass women to help you build your confidence and change your business.
00;00;59;21 – 00;01;22;23
Rebecca Hay
Hey hey hey, it’s Rebecca and you are listening to Resilient by Design. Today I’m sharing a story with you. I am sharing it. Disastrous story. Well, not totally, but it is a lesson I learned and I am going to dive into that project that looked fine on the surface until it wasn’t. You guys know the one I’m talking about, right?
00;01;22;23 – 00;01;47;17
Rebecca Hay
Where you had this little voice in your head sending you, like, warning signals, but you pushed it aside because, well, the check cleared. Today I’m going to get real. I’m going to share some vulnerable moments with you and share a story about a basement renovation that, quite frankly, I should have walked away from. And what you can learn from my very expensive mistake.
00;01;47;19 – 00;02;17;13
Rebecca Hay
Why does this matter? Why does it matter that I screwed up? Because spotting those red flags early, learning my lessons could save you from the stress, the burnout, and the costly mistakes that I am about to share. And trust me, this lesson costs me more than just money. So let’s dive into the story. Here’s what happened. A few years back, I got an inquiry for a basement renovation in a very lovely Toronto neighborhood.
00;02;17;15 – 00;02;42;23
Rebecca Hay
A well-to-do neighborhood. And I thought, yes, I can’t wait to have my sign on that street. Have you ever had that? The clients seem pretty great on paper, right? Via the emails and the discovery call that I had. And she was super excited to start right away and get working with our firm. It also happened to be at a time when things were a little slow for me, and I really was looking for projects to fill my pipeline so that I could keep my team busy and paid.
00;02;42;26 – 00;03;07;15
Rebecca Hay
And she’d seen our portfolio and she loved it. This is the early years of me really trying so hard to get my own personal design esthetic out into the world, and have clients want the esthetic that I valued for so long. In the early years, design clients wanted an esthetic that I wasn’t so passionate about. They wanted very modern design and I did it, but I didn’t love it.
00;03;07;15 – 00;03;31;11
Rebecca Hay
So I was like, yes, I was ready to get started. I could not wait to go to the consultation. During our consultation, though, there were some, let’s call them, interesting moments. The client loved to talk and share her opinion and she had very specific ideas about what she wanted. So some of those ideas honestly went a little bit against my better design judgment.
00;03;31;19 – 00;03;52;26
Rebecca Hay
When I tried to offer maybe an alternative solution, or potentially explain why there could be a challenge doing what she wanted to do, or throw out a new idea. She really would kind of like nod or come up with a reason why not. And then she would just continue to explain her vision like I hadn’t shared any expertise.
00;03;52;29 – 00;04;13;02
Rebecca Hay
Another red flag. Her budget. Her budget expectations were not totally realistic. They were okay. I remember thinking at the time, well, we could probably do it for that. Like it’s just a basement if we ever had that. The just it’s just whenever you use the word just to justify something in your head, you know that you’re going down the wrong path.
00;04;13;04 – 00;04;39;09
Rebecca Hay
We’re talking she wanted custom built ins, very specific dedicated storage. She wanted a gas fireplace in the basement where there was no gas line. She wanted high end finishes. She wanted totally custom furnishings. And she wanted a little bit of a layout change. All for the budget that, truthfully, probably could only have covered the basic materials and not the level of design I wanted to do.
00;04;39;14 – 00;04;59;10
Rebecca Hay
And when I gently tried to realign her expectations, she kind of brushed it off with, oh, I’m sure we can figure it out. I’m not worried about the money. You guys are seeing, right? You guys are seeing this. So why did I say yes when there were warning signs? Why did I proceed with the project when some of these things were flashing like a neon light?
00;04;59;12 – 00;05;31;03
Rebecca Hay
And I can tell you, the biggest red flag for me was a personality misalignment. She seemed to think I was lovely, but she was getting under my skin like we were butting heads a little bit, if I’m being completely honest. But why did I let her be a client? Literally standing in her kitchen after we’d gone through the entire consultation, she pulled out her checkbook right then and there in the consultation, and she wrote a check for the entire 100% of my design fee, which wasn’t small in my mind.
00;05;31;03 – 00;05;48;25
Rebecca Hay
I thought, wow, she is clearly an ideal client despite the red flags. And I was thinking, this isn’t the right fit. The moment she pulled out her checkbook, I thought, oh, Rebecca, no, no, no. Maybe you’ve misread the situation. One of the attributes of an ideal client for you is they they’re willing to write the check and they have the money.
00;05;48;27 – 00;06;18;18
Rebecca Hay
So I was like, oh, well, I’m going to ignore all the other red flags. And she wanted to pay my fee upfront without negotiating. I was floored and flattered. It was a slow season, as I mentioned, so if I’m being completely honest, I was a little afraid to turn down that guaranteed income. Big mistake. As the project got underway, things went from concerning to a little bit chaotic, and the timeline that we carefully laid out kept getting pushed and it kept getting questioned.
00;06;18;21 – 00;06;35;27
Rebecca Hay
So the client would pick up the phone. She would call us, she would be frustrated with the contract or someone hadn’t showed up. You guys know the story. You’ve been there before, right? The original contractor that I had told her was going to be perfect for the job, then got offended. I had another contractor quote it and he ghosted me, so he never got his quote.
00;06;36;00 – 00;06;59;28
Rebecca Hay
She was upset with me for even suggesting him. It was a thing. There were a lot of things and despite some of our detailed presentations, she would sometimes say things like, well, this is great, but. Or could you work with this? I have this coffee table I want to do. And I quickly realized that I couldn’t be the main point of contact on this project.
00;07;00;03 – 00;07;14;01
Rebecca Hay
It was one thing to get to the design, and she signed off on the design and she thought it was wonderful and it was beautiful, and we were very excited about it, even though we had to scale back some of the original design because of budget. But I was butting heads with her so frequently, especially in calls and presentations.
00;07;14;01 – 00;07;32;20
Rebecca Hay
When I go to site, like literally any time I would be in person with her and it was affecting my energy and I realized I was starting to channel a more negative energy. And I didn’t want that to spill across into my team, even on probably sure it did. So I decided to hire a project manager. I figured we had a couple other projects.
00;07;32;20 – 00;08;01;18
Rebecca Hay
It was perfect time to bring on another employee. I hired a project manager who was a freelancer who was not inexpensive. She was excellent. Those were the best years of my business. Carley, what’s her name? Shout out to you. And it was the smartest move for my sanity, but not the smartest move for profit margin, because I also moved my intermediate interior designer into a role where she was managing this client and this project as a test for team work.
00;08;01;18 – 00;08;26;09
Rebecca Hay
It was awesome. However, by the time the project wrapped up, I ended up having paid out more to my team in all the extra hours that I could not have anticipated than I had made from her on the project. So that check that seemed so impressive at the beginning completely was negated by the endless hours of revisions, hand-holding, crisis management, contractor management that my team had to provide.
00;08;26;12 – 00;08;49;18
Rebecca Hay
The joke was on me. What I thought was a sign of an ideal client paying promptly and in full. Right. Like I said, I’m like, this is what I’ve written on paper. This is an attribute of my ideal client. It was actually just the beginning of a very expensive lesson. So what were the red flags? I want you to take some tangible advice from this episode and learn from my mistakes.
00;08;49;20 – 00;09;08;21
Rebecca Hay
What should I have paid attention to? I want to break them down. I know I mentioned a couple of them, but let’s break them down together first. When a client dominates the conversation and doesn’t listen during a consultation, that is usually a sign that that’s who they are. It’s not going to change. They’re not going to listen throughout the project either.
00;09;08;23 – 00;09;36;18
Rebecca Hay
Design is collaborative, but if someone can’t even pause to hear you, your expert opinion during your first meeting, they’re telling you exactly how your relationship is going to be. Pay attention. Second, and I know I’ve said this here before, but unrealistic budget expectations paired with an unwillingness to compromise on scope, is a recipe for disappointment, literally on both sides.
00;09;36;20 – 00;10;07;18
Rebecca Hay
When someone wants champagne on a beer budget and won’t budge, when you explain the realities, you’re only setting yourself up for constant friction and probably an unhappy client in the end. And then, number three, dismissing your professional expertise. Every time that I would offer an alternate solution or suggestion based on my years of experience, my talent and expertise, she wasn’t fully accepting it or engaging in that conversation was passing it off.
00;10;07;21 – 00;10;33;13
Rebecca Hay
You know, nodding politely before maybe ignoring it or making a different suggestion. She was telling me that my expertise wasn’t as valued as I thought it was. And let me tell you that a client who doesn’t value your expertise is never going to be satisfied with your work, and they’re going to pin everything on you. And it really doesn’t always have anything to do with you.
00;10;33;16 – 00;10;59;03
Rebecca Hay
Number four and this is crucial crucial crucial crucial. Pay attention to how you feel during and after the consultation. I remember walking up the stairs from that basement to the kitchen island and thinking to myself, this is not the right fit for us. This project’s not that big. She clearly fancies herself a designer because she’s going on about all the decisions she made when she did her first floor, and it looks very nice.
00;10;59;03 – 00;11;16;27
Rebecca Hay
I mean, it’s not to the level I would do, but it’s lovely. And I remember feeling like I’m going to have to find a way to turn this project down until the check book came out and everything changed. Pay attention to those feelings. I remember the not in my stomach and then the leap of, well, I guess this is right.
00;11;16;27 – 00;11;41;06
Rebecca Hay
And I got so excited at seeing the money. But instead of listening to the feeling, I focused on the check. Don’t ignore your gut instinct. I feel like this whole podcast, that’s just examples of me ignoring my gut. Gosh, it’s embarrassing sometimes when I think about it. The learn from me. Please. It’s usually your experience and intuition sending you important data.
00;11;41;09 – 00;12;02;05
Rebecca Hay
A few other red flags to watch for could include things like a client who says, I’ve worked with designers before and it didn’t go well. This usually means there was a problem and it’s possibly not the designer. Or maybe there’s constant rescheduling, trying to meet up even just to book a consultation with them. That disorganization from the start will carry its way through.
00;12;02;07 – 00;12;21;19
Rebecca Hay
Another red flag could be asking for discounts, right? Trying to negotiate your process right away. Trying to take the reins of your process and change how you do things. Another one could be wanting to skip crucial parts of your process certain steps because they think it’s not necessary. A big one could be they want to skip the consultation and just get your proposal right away because they’re ready to go.
00;12;21;26 – 00;12;40;19
Rebecca Hay
Those are red flags. Also a lack of respect for your time. Boundaries, right? Requesting to meet in the evening. Texting you on the weekends. And ultimately that bad gut feeling. Even if you can’t put your finger on it and you don’t know exactly what’s wrong. In my case, I knew what was wrong and I still ignored it. Okay, let’s talk about the green flags though.
00;12;40;19 – 00;13;03;26
Rebecca Hay
There is a happy ending to this. We can learn what we do want to look for for your ideal client. So let’s flip this around. So what should you be looking for in an ideal client? Here are some green flags and hopefully you’ve already experienced some of these. First, they’re respectful of your time and your expertise. Two they come prepared but are open to your suggestions.
00;13;03;29 – 00;13;30;28
Rebecca Hay
Three. They’re decisive. Once you’ve presented options, they’re decisive. In general, I think if they’re decisive from the beginning, they’re going to be decisive throughout the process. Good decision maker makes for excellent client. Also another green flag. They understand and value your process. They love seeing that you’re professional and that you have a system that you follow. And they don’t are not looking to do it their way or change how you do things.
00;13;31;01 – 00;13;51;19
Rebecca Hay
And then another green flag is when they see the value of your service, not just the price tag. Right? It could be how they communicate that they’re excited to work with you. For me, a big green flag and I mean this was a green flag in this particular story is it didn’t help me because the red flags were stronger, but could be that their style and their vision aligns with your design esthetic and your philosophy.
00;13;51;21 – 00;14;15;19
Rebecca Hay
Do they love sustainable design or are they looking to incorporate antiques? Oh my gosh, that’s amazing. I love to do that, for example. But also another green flag is that they have realistic expectations about budget timeline and outcomes. They understand that it’s going to take the time it’s going to take. They have a realistic expectation that even if they don’t know what things cost, once you explain to them, they appreciate your expertise and they accept that.
00;14;15;21 – 00;14;38;11
Rebecca Hay
And also just they’re excited about working with you because there’s something about a client who’s like, really feels privileged to be in your presence, to be with you, to to learn from you, to have you help them to elevate it because they know that they can’t do it alone. So a quick exercise that you could do is just take 15 minutes just sometime this week, carve out some time, even go just be when you’re driving to think about it.
00;14;38;11 – 00;14;58;16
Rebecca Hay
I’d love for you to write it out though, and write down what are your red flags and green flags, and then keep that list near you. Keep it at your desk. Stick it to the wall by your computer. Wherever you do your discovery calls, right? So that maybe even include in your consultation the notes that you take to your consultation and refer to it before you say yes to any new project.
00;14;58;18 – 00;15;15;20
Rebecca Hay
And if you’re not sure if you should say yes and you’re at the consultation, don’t say anything at all. Tell them you’ll follow up. This simple tool of spotting the green and red flags has saved me from repeating my mistakes more times than I can count. The one good thing I can tell you is I do learn my lesson.
00;15;15;26 – 00;15;34;11
Rebecca Hay
Even though they can be hard lessons. And I know many of you are like, okay, but I don’t think I could say no. How would I say no in that situation, I get it. It is so freaking hard to say no. There is. You know, it’s funny, I’m in a coaching program and we’ve been talking a lot about this lately.
00;15;34;11 – 00;16;01;10
Rebecca Hay
This idea of disappointing others. It’s funny because sometimes our dislike for disappointing others or our need to people please, will outweigh any warning signs for me in my story, it was the fear of losing money during a slower season and not trusting myself because as soon as you borrow the checkbook, I’m like, oh, I must be wrong. No no no no, I got it all wrong.
00;16;01;12 – 00;16;15;24
Rebecca Hay
No no no she yeah, she has the money she’s going to pay obviously is a great client like Rebecca. You’re so dumb. That was probably the inner dialog. I’m not going to lie. But for you, it could be a scarcity mindset. What if no one else inquires with me this month? What? I don’t get another consultation or project.
00;16;15;24 – 00;16;36;22
Rebecca Hay
I might need this. It could be feeling like you should help everyone who comes your way. I see this a lot with women and with especially with the designers, and our community is just really wanting to help. Oh, they really need my help. Like I want to be there. It could be just your people pleasing tendencies. I’m raising my hand here to.
00;16;36;24 – 00;16;57;21
Rebecca Hay
It could be. Oh, well, that was nice. My mom’s friend’s sister, oh, it’s my neighbor. Could be a fear of conflict or having awkward conversations. You might not want to have that conversation. So you’d rather just say yes. Raising two hands here. Been there. I still find myself there in a lot of times in my life, and it could just be imposter syndrome, right?
00;16;57;21 – 00;17;26;25
Rebecca Hay
Which is like, I guess, which is what I went through, making me question my own value. But here’s the truth bomb. I wish someone had dropped on me years and years and years ago. Ready for it. Saying no to the wrong client is actually saying yes to the right ones. Every hour that you spend wrestling with a difficult client is an hour you can’t spend finding and serving the clients who value you.
00;17;26;27 – 00;17;56;29
Rebecca Hay
You’ll never regret protecting your peace and your business. Let me repeat that you will never regret protecting your peace. Peace of mind, your calendar and your business. The project I shared today. It didn’t just cost me money, it cost me sleep. It cost me joy. It threatened team morale. No check is worth that, no matter how many zeros are on it because you think you need it.
00;17;56;29 – 00;18;21;08
Rebecca Hay
And then once it’s done, you’re like, what the what? So how do you actually turn down a project? Because this is a question we get a lot. How do you turn on a project when your spidey senses are tingling? Here are some templates I’ve used. You might want to write these down or come back to this episode. Just save this episode wherever you listen to these episodes, because you can come back to this and don’t sweat it if you’re like, oh my God, this is so much information.
00;18;21;11 – 00;18;36;06
Rebecca Hay
I do share all of this inside my course. Power of process. It’s coming back soon. So if you’re like, oh my God, I just want you to hand me the paper with all of this that’s inside the course. But for those of you who are listening intently right now, you could write this down. You could be super direct, right?
00;18;36;08 – 00;19;05;00
Rebecca Hay
You could say, thank you so much for the opportunity to discuss your project. After reviewing the details, I don’t believe I’m the best fit for what you’re looking to accomplish, but I really appreciate your interest in our firm. Would you be open to my recommendation of a few other designers who could be a good fit? You don’t have to say specifically why you’re turning it down, and I love being able to refer them to another designer because it’s like you’re still helping them.
00;19;05;02 – 00;19;33;07
Rebecca Hay
Maybe you don’t need to do that part, but I always feel better when I do it. That’s a direct approach. That’s a bit more broad, but you could be more specific. So if there’s a time where you want to be specific, you could say something like this. At this time, I’m really prioritizing projects that align closely with our design esthetic or the minimum project spend or like fill in the blank, which allows me to deliver the exceptional results that my clients expect.
00;19;33;09 – 00;19;55;16
Rebecca Hay
I would be happy to refer you to another designer. I think this is a great approach and probably the best approach. If you have the cajones to like lay it all out there. I find sometimes I’d rather just be like, we don’t have the capacity and I think you can always offer an alternative, maybe not right away. If you don’t want to go down that road, maybe you don’t have the time to offer alternatives.
00;19;55;16 – 00;20;13;13
Rebecca Hay
Maybe you don’t know anybody to recommend so you don’t have to do that. But if you want to offer an alternative, just say something like based on what you’re looking for, I think you might be better served by a designer who specializes in decorating, or a designer who specializes in new construction, or designer who specializes in modern design.
00;20;13;13 – 00;20;33;01
Rebecca Hay
Like you could fill in the blank. You don’t have to even go there. And then you would say, I’d be happy to recommend a few colleagues who might be a great fit. I wouldn’t necessarily put them in the email, let them get back to you. Don’t do all the legwork unless they really want it. And just remember, you don’t actually owe anyone a full explanation.
00;20;33;03 – 00;20;57;27
Rebecca Hay
You don’t have to be specific, but you do owe yourself the boundary. Just keep your message kind clear, and if you want to leave the door open for future, you can. But I don’t recommend that unless you actually mean it. So a few things that you could do based on what we’ve talked about. Write down those personal red and green flags that will evolve over time.
00;20;57;27 – 00;21;18;07
Rebecca Hay
And as you get to know your client and as you experience more projects, this is something that I share an extensive list of inside power of process, because it’s been so impactful for me to have that. So even if you could just start with like 3 to 5 red flags, 3 to 5 green flags and like put them up there, there’s you’re constantly referencing them.
00;21;18;09 – 00;21;39;01
Rebecca Hay
And then I would recommend that you review your intake process. Are you filtering in the right clients. Do you have an inquiry form? Does it ask the right questions to identify potential issues early, like how are those people filtering through to you? And then of course revisit your ideal client profile, like are your services, your messaging? Is your pricing aligned with who you want to attract?
00;21;39;01 – 00;22;02;02
Rebecca Hay
Are you getting the right people? And if you’re considering a project right now that maybe feels a little off and you’re not sure should is Rebecca’s episode, does it does it relate to this project or this situation where I’m at? Give yourself permission to pause, ask more questions of the potential client. Or you could just say no because the future you will.
00;22;02;02 – 00;22;26;22
Rebecca Hay
Thank you. The basement project that I shared was painful. I did find a great solution. In the end, the client was very happy we did photograph it. It was great team building, but I lost money. It was expensive. It was exhausting for me mentally. Always stressing about where we were at with our hours because I did a fixed fee and then the hours were more and it was just messy.
00;22;26;25 – 00;22;46;24
Rebecca Hay
But it did give me clarity that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It helped me to find my boundaries and get crystal clear on who I wanted to work with. And knowing your boundaries isn’t being difficult, it’s what builds a sustainable business that brings you joy. Instead of dread. I could do a whole episode on boundaries. Saying no is not a failure.
00;22;46;24 – 00;23;07;06
Rebecca Hay
It is. Leadership is taking control of your business instead of your business taking control of you instead of your fear of scarcity, of not having enough projects that can take over. And then you get stuck on the hamster wheel. And I don’t want that for you. The right clients are never going to make you second guess your value or if they’re the right fit.
00;23;07;09 – 00;23;30;23
Rebecca Hay
So if you are, interested in taking better control of your business and you love today’s episode and are thinking, I need to get more intentional about who I work with and how I run my business, meaning who I work with. As in your clients. Then I want to invite you to my live bootcamp. I’m hosting the Stand Out Designer Bootcamp again starting May the 28th.
00;23;30;23 – 00;24;00;27
Rebecca Hay
That’s when we do our welcoming party or whatever we want to call it opening Ceremonies. It’s a two week bootcamp, and it is specifically designed for interior designers who are ready to level up their business by attracting better clients, finding ideal clients, and creating the systems that are going to support sustainable growth. This bootcamp is intensive. There are four live trainings, a very active Facebook group, and Morning mindset sessions with yours truly.
00;24;00;29 – 00;24;23;03
Rebecca Hay
We help you to define your unique value prop so that you can attract the right clients like who are you and and how do you serve? We’re going to help you create a client experience that filters out those red flag clients before they become problems. Pricing strategies to reflect your words, systems, and boundaries to protect your time, and so much more.
00;24;23;03 – 00;24;50;11
Rebecca Hay
It’s not just theory. You’re going to walk away with concrete steps that you can implement immediately in your business. Plus, you’re going to join our community of like minded designers who are on the same journey. When we did this bootcamp back at the beginning of the year, the community was on fire. So if you want to grab your spot in the standout designer boot camp before we kick it off May 28th, head on over to rebecca.com/bootcamp.
00;24;50;14 – 00;25;13;01
Rebecca Hay
Or you can also find the link in our show notes. Registration will be closing on May the 26th. I really look forward to seeing you there and diving deeper into building those boundaries and attracting better clients. But until then, I’d love to hear from you. Social media I’m on Instagram guys. I say this like every episode, you know how many DMs I actually get?
00;25;13;03 – 00;25;33;02
Rebecca Hay
Maybe 1 or 2 of the thousands of people who listen to this podcast. Seriously, I manage my entire Instagram by myself right now. There is no one helping me. I’m in the DMs. If I missed them, it’s because I can’t keep up with managing it. But I’m doing my best and I would love to see your DM. Let me know.
00;25;33;02 – 00;25;57;00
Rebecca Hay
Have you had an experience where you did not trust your gut and you ignored the red flags with a client or with a project? And it was totally a learning experience? I would love to hear from you. And of course you could also share it with us inside the bootcamp. All right, I’ll see you soon.
